For many bedtime becomes another job activity. While they’re never paid to get to sleep, the very activity of forcing sleep insures they will stay awake. Popping sleeping pills do help, but they are not the best healthy solution to the problem.
Nevertheless, if you are one of the few who do manage to sleep most nights and would prefer to be bleary eyed by the time you get to work, here are some helpful tips you can employ to insure that a good night of sleep becomes a sought after miracle.
- Drink plenty of caffeine before bedtime. No doubts about it. You won’t need toothpicks to keep your eyes open all night. While you’re at it, try alcohol, another sure way to keep you awake. Both caffeine and alcohol will help produce a good bout of acid reflux, diarrhea, constipation and a host of other stomach ailments guaranteed to keep your co-workers and your boss at arm’s distance from you.
- Gorge yourself with food shortly before retiring. Your stomach will be busy growling and producing gas as it tries to digest that food. That bloated feeling is sure to ruin any good night of rest. You might have to get up on occasion to rush to the washroom to throw up some of that undigested food. Taking a few antacid pills to calm the war inside your stomach certainly helps to reduce the production of stomach acids the stomach needs for digestion. But there’s no better way to insure your health gets ruined by adding ulcers, constipation and intestinal illness.
- Get into a serious argument with your girlfriend or your wife so you can stew over their inconsideration all night long. If you’re not married, try picking a fight at the local bar. You’ll be lying in bed relaxing head bruises with an ice pack.
- Watch violent movies before bedtime. This works much better with the volume on full blast. You need to get angry to see red all night. Anything from a hockey fight to a boxing or wrestling match will help keep the adrenaline flowing. Make sure to move your TV into the bedroom so you and your bleary eyed wife can both enjoy the fights.
- Get into a heavy workout routine. Forget taking a walk to relax like the wimps do. Go for a 10K marathon. Lift those hundred pound weights. Sweat your way into shape and sleepless nights. Make sure to continue that routine every night so you can be tired when you go to work the next day.
- Start an all-night day care center. There will always be some kids who want to emulate you. Children screaming in your ears are a great way to keep up those jangled nerves.
- Keep your bedroom window open during the cold winter nights. Pneumonia will help keep you awake until you find rest at the cemetery.
- Puff more than your usual pack-a-day habit before going to bed. Smoker’s breath will insure you spend time on the uncomfortable love seat instead of your bed when your wife kicks you out. Smoking excessively also helps you cough your way to a cancer ward in the hospital.
Now if all this sounds like a great deal of trouble, maybe it’s far better just to relax, drink some soothing herbal tea and forget about your worries before you drift off to a restful sleep.
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The author sometimes likes to write humor and thankfully most of it appears in this, his Word Press blog. But if you’re looking to read more serious stuff, you can find it at Helium: http://www.helium.com/users/210594
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